How a random guy's bachelor party could decide the Ryder Cup
Friday, September 8th Edition
Even in my mid 20s, the thought of attending a bachelor party, or stag as it is known in Europe, brings mixed emotions. On one end of the spectrum, it is a time to relive the past glory days in a random city where repercussions for your actions will be minimized (most of the time). You celebrate a good friend, haze him a wee bit and get caught up in the festivities. There is an invincibility element a bachelor party brings while you are on it.
On the other end there is also a sense of dread knowing you are no longer the fresh-out-of-college drinking machine you once were, and the inevitable hangover from said weekend will last days, even weeks, depending on the activities.
Rory McIlroy will have to face this dilemma head on the week before the 2023 Ryder Cup. Now, despite what it may seem, Rory and I are at different stages of life.
He is a father, he is in his mid 30s, and he is very, very (very) wealthy, so I imagine his time in the Greek Islands celebrating one of his mates will look inherently different than mine in Austin or Scottsdale or New Orleans where pennies were pinched, beds were shared, and the tab at the end of the weekend brought that sense of dread.
I’m going out on a limb.
It is hilarious to imagine Rory McIlroy shacking it up with his mates with a pillow in between, but if I had to guess, the Northern Irishman will be in a nice villa, drinking nice alcohol (no well drinks for Rory), smoking cigars and experiencing a stag that looks more like a scene in the White Lotus than that of Burning Man (too soon?).
“I’m sensible when I need to be, I’ll be fine,” McIlroy said with a smirk Wednesday at the Irish Open. “Forty-eight hours, nice little trip, and probably needed as well. From here to the practice in Rome next week, to Wentworth, then I’ll get back in London on Wednesday evening, and then I’ll have four good days in London to practice and get myself ready to go to Rome on Monday.”
But…what if, what if Rory McIlroy isn’t sensible during these two days (for what it is worth, two days is a sign of maturing as three days is far too long but commonplace in your early 20s).
What if Rory McIlroy indulges in a stag that mirrors those scenes from the White Lotus. What if Rory McIlroy has one too many and that one day hangover turns into a week-long hangover.
“C’mon, Rory, it’s just a little [insert drug that could jail McIlroy in Greece for the precise number of days to miss the Ryder Cup] here,” his friend says with a smirk reserved for the press. “I’m only getting married once.”
His friends pile on, the peer pressure fills the room with white noise. McIlroy’s palms become sweatier than the back nine at Augusta National. He looks around like Mr. Krabs catching a scent of money, but this time he catches the scent of something else.
McIlroy goes for the green in two.
Chaos ensues.
An animal is unleashed.
A long-time friendship falls.
U.S. wins the Ryder Cup.
❤️🔥 He must be stopped
That Viktor Hovland is so hot right now. This week a video surfaced of Hovland’s Hinge profile in his U.S. residence of Stillwater, Oklahoma. It is a veteran move from the 25-year-old to still live in a college town where the local fishing holes are filled to the brim.
As someone who has never been on a dating app, I am not entirely sure how the process works, but I do know you swipe left or right depending on someone’s profile. (That might be the entire process to be fair).
Hovland’s pictures were what one would expect from a professional golfer — with his trophies from the Dubai Desert Classic and BMW International Open, a couple action shots and a photo of him and squints eyes intensely Charles Howell III out on the town.
Most girls would be intrigued if I had to guess, but there is one piece of information on his profile that may turn some off.
His height.
Hovland lists himself at a generous 5 ft 10 in.
Sensible women out there would shrug it off. It’s close enough to 6 ft they mutter under their breath, but others (the reallll shallow ones), they are swiping left faster than Kevin Na walking in a putt.
If only they knew.
If only Hovland could list his career earnings. If only Hovland could say he made roughly $22 million over a seven-day stretch this past summer. If only Hovland could tell people he is a top five player in the world.
Then again that type of talk is reserved for first dates.
🍺 What’s on tap
Flash Zone Friday 📸: It is a pseudo offseason for golf media, so I didn’t want to bother anyone on their rare down week. (Instead, you get a made up Rory McIlroy story). We’ll fire up Flash Zone Friday soon enough as we have a number of guests who have reached out wanting to be featured.
Mailbag 📬: We had a fun episode on our CBS Sports’ podcast this past Thursday answering questions from the YouTube live chat and those submitted previously. Check it out.
