Welcome to Status Update — a free Friday newsletter featuring long and short stories, general ramblings from the week that was, the most interesting things to have recently caught my eye and any other golf-related nonsense I believe to be worth your time.
The Opening Drive
Alrighty. Sit back and relax because this is going to be a long one. A few days removed from the Masters, I have my feet underneath me in both a literal and figurative sense.
Traveling to tournaments are always a highlight but being my first major championship and my first Masters, this one obviously came with a slight uptick in the all important, well, importance factor.
My favorite part of any tournament is meeting other media members. It feels like a Hinge date or something (I wouldn’t know) where you only know them from their online presence and you know that they know you and you know them, but you still don’t know if you should introduce yourself or what the proper protocol is.
You know?
Alas, we move on.
I think one of the most shocking aspects of the week was not the golf course or the food prices or anything people tell you to look out for, but rather how big the entire event is. Not the tournament, the event.
It is the Super Bowl of golf.
Non-golf media infiltrate Georgia and are suddenly experts. Brands have parties every night. No expenses are spared. It is so much larger than a big-time PGA Tour event. It is hard to fathom.
It made for an exhausting early part of the week — especially combined with a 3 a.m. wake-up call on Tuesday — but a fun one at that.
I debated for awhile how I wanted to go about this recap, and even wrote much of it out, but instead of typing through an entire week of memories and hilarious/embarrassing run-ins, I figured bullet points would be the easiest way for all to consume.
So, we’ll do that — a full list of highlights and lowlights (not in any particular order) from my first Masters.
Please enjoy. I know I did.
Personal highlights
Legendary golf writer Jaime Diaz introducing himself to me, calling me a ball-knower and letting me know he watches all of my stuff on CBS Sports
Telling Niall Horan to “get out of the way, pal” when Nick Dunlap nearly killed us and was trying to play his way back onto his hole
Leaving His Excellency (Saudi PIF governor Yasir Al-Rumayyan) hanging when saying goodbye to my new friend, the founder of Greyson clothing
Seeing Sam Darnold’s head in person (it’s huger than huge, hugest?) — unfortunately it distracted me from seeing Josh Allen with him
Introducing myself to a woman from the West Coast of Ireland and her calling me a “thoroughbred”
Put it on my tombstone. This is probably my No. 1. Didn’t have the heart to tell her about the Japanese and Italian blood in me.
Seeing Rory’s shots in person on No. 15 on both Saturday and Sunday — everyone on the right side of the fairway was convinced given the loft and length of the club that he was laying up in the final round. You thought!
Seeing Use Golf Facts in person — she was just drifting along in the wind like a stray pine straw as P Reed made his charge
Watching the final moments of the Masters in the grill room with green jackets and the Lowry and Fleetwood families with the doors open to hear the sounds of the patrons
Justin Rose rushing through me on his way to the playoff as I blocked a doorway in the grill room. He was coming from the locker room, although no one was certain why he was in there for so long
It was debated what he was doing in there — likely a run to the loo — but we concluded he was giving himself positive affirmations in the mirror… “You are Justin Rose.”
Getting a front row seat to Ludvig Åberg and Joe Skovron talk through a shot on No. 14 while in contention on Sunday
Skov has the best bag in golf, and it’s not even close
Watching Spieth lose his mind on multiple occasions
Hanging out with all the First Cut boys in person
RIP
The press building
They really do spoil us, not only are the workstations incredible, but the full-service restaurant, grab-and-go and facilities are all top notch
They station people in the bathroom to continuously clean up. It is both impressive and depressing if I am being honest. Some serious Mr. Deeds shit.
Getting to do on-air hits from on-site. There is a different energy when doing something in-person. It’s 1000 times better. Having an audience while doing it by the driving range was also sweet. Felt much more important than I am.
Hearing a member of the media say with a straight face, “Can someone cut a picture of Zach Johnson for the cover of our Moving Day story?”
There are like 4 different eras in the press building, and I have no idea how 75% of them make any money
Seeing a spotter in full caddie attire sprint around the corner on No. 18 on Sunday when Åberg hit his tee shot off a concession building. I had never seen that look of terror in a man’s eyes before. They don’t lose golf balls at Augusta National, and the majority of patrons straight up thought it was a bit. Why would a ball be this far off line?
Seeing the John Daly Hooters mayhem in person
It’s straight out of the Trump playbook. RIP to Hooters.
I had a 10-minute debate with a shuttle driver about sunrises vs. sunsets. We landed on opposite sides
Always sunrise
Also debated whether the Hooters girls were flown in for the week. Some surprising talent for Augusta, Georgia
This conversation was not with the shuttle driver
Got stuck in a debate with patrons what tier celebrity Luke Combs is after a run-in with him
Still couldn’t tell you the answer
Meeting Ken Griffey Jr.
Seeing a Bryson fan go full surrender cobra in the 11th fairway
Brooooo…what the fuck!
After years of working together, Mark Immelman finally followed me back on Twitter
Wednesday morning, I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at the practice range for an hour — Rory and Phil were warming up next to each other back-to-back. Phil placed his gaudy bright green HyFlyers bag real close to Rory (likely on purpose) and they went through their bags while occasionally looking over their shoulders to check out the other guy’s numbers. It was the most fun I have had watching someone(s) on a driving range
The blueberry muffins — favorite quick bite of the week
Personal lowlights
Jaime Diaz asking if I played high-level golf (professional, collegiate, etc.) and responding that I was once No. 1 on my high school team to which he replied with this look…
I then proceeded to extend my hand and he shook it with his left since he had papers in his right. Nailed it.
Running into CBS golf rules official, Mark Dusbabek, telling him I was a big fan and being completely ignored
I’m not even a fan, I don’t know why I said that
This piece of hair
I felt this piece of hair swoop across my forehead while on air, and I made the executive decision to just let it be…how bad could it be! Another fatal mistake. I can still hear my producers laughing at me.
Not knowing who J.R. Smith was amidst a sea of white people in golf polos
Getting double charged for a hoodie in the Masters merchandise building
I concluded running a register for an entire day in the Masters merchandise building would be a sufficient fantasy football punishment. Although they had smiles on their faces, those kids were begging to leave. It’s non-stop action and non-stop stress.
Being forced to use an … interesting shaped microphone for an on-air hit
It was the first and last time it was used all week, although I am still getting shit for it
Talking at dinner how I believed I was going to win the Masters media lottery to play Augusta National on Monday only to find out the drawing was that afternoon and I did, in fact, not win
Taking an hour to get into the Masters bouncing from wrong entrance to wrong entrance
I caught up with my B. Draddy guy Wednesday morning for a cup of coffee across the street of Augusta National and then proceeded to go to all the wrong gates
Use “McDonald20” at checkout
On a shuttle ride from the content center to the press building one morning, this woman I was sitting next to pointed out every single tree and said “wow, isn’t that beautiful” but couldn’t name a single one of them. It was a 10-minute ride, and she didn’t miss a tree. So. Many. Trees.
Seeing a man go trash can diving for plastic cups
The patron wondering why R-A-I was allowed to use his initials on the leaderboard
The apple slices
Downtown Augusta — walked to dinner one night and had four homeless men approach me. Not the nicest! Although, I held conversations, so may have been my fault in the end
Lost a little steam heading into the weekend — some people commenting how tired I look. There wasn’t enough cold brew in the world!
Watched the all-22 and that whole “monotone” habit came creeping in a little which is unfortunate. Lesson learned, but exciting that I know I can be better. Gotta pace myself!
The walk from the press building to our set at the bottom of the par-3 course
Imagine walking from the bottom of No. 10 to the top of No. 10 roughly 10 times per day. My ass does look great though.
Some serious, serious jammage from my own people — words will be had!
Found myself itching to podcast after every round
The pair of socks I wore on Friday
Dress socks! What a bozo move!
Getting called out online for wearing navy pants all the time
I have multiple pairs!
Leaving a pair of pants in my hotel room in Augusta
Well, one less now
The man who stuffed — and I counted as he was doing this — 14 (!!!) pimento cheese sandwiches into his backpack one evening
We need to bring back public shaming; No way those travel well
My row in the press building had some serious body odor — lot of hefty boys, lot of heavy breathing
It’s never an ideal writing environment when your other senses are popping off like that
This was fantastic! Glad you had a great time. Are we going to be seeing you on the 2nd Cut. I'm glad the podcast is back, but it is missing a bit of that sarcastic tone that you exemplify.
Gotta say I think I would be on the side of the shuttle driver here, Patrick. Sunsets 100%